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付之一笑

A Stumbling 2023

· 3min

No matter how you got through this year, it’s over now. Having endured those tough times, everything is still subject to change!

Return#

In 2023, I encountered many upheavals. What I initially thought were temporary difficulties turned out to be the tolling bell of an era’s turning point, and I had no choice but to adjust my life in step with the times.

I moved back to my hometown from Shanghai, gaining ample time to spend with family and friends. Learning English, exercising, reading, and making new friends—things I never had time for before—are now being maintained quite well.

End of a Career#

I plan to pause my career as a game designer and shift to freelancing, focusing on things that genuinely interest me.

Looking back on my time in the gaming industry, it’s been 17 years since I first met friends in the field during high school in 2006, when a vague dream of making games was planted in my heart. This journey has been incredible. Through the medium of games, I, a young man from a small town, stepped into a bigger world, met many outstanding people, and connected with like-minded friends. The only regret is not realizing my gaming dream or creating a game that truly satisfied me.

Youth is gone. Pausing this dream in my heart and turning gaming from work into a hobby seems like a good choice. Recently, playing Civilization V with a friend, we two “old boys” found long-lost joy in the game. I also dug through my Steam library and finally started playing Stellaris, immersing myself in the pleasures of sci-fi and strategy! Thinking about it now, this feeling isn’t bad at all! Enough!!!

Restart#

After ending my career in the gaming industry, I decided to change the course of this ship called life, resetting my goals. While ensuring a livelihood, I hope to gain more freedom to explore life’s possibilities.

While thinking about how to make money, I revisited the question of how to achieve commercial profit, which raised many doubts. Carrying these questions and uncertainties, I began searching for answers and reflecting. Along the way, I encountered content created by many interesting people, which provided ample inspiration.

Here are some interesting things I came across during this time:

Reading

This year’s reading list:

Podcasts

Podcasts listened to this year:

Film & TV

Movies and TV shows watched this year:

The Unchanging#

This year brought especially many changes—in environment, work, and life—but I also noticed some constants. For example: family, friends, hobbies, curiosity, and so on. These things have been my greatest support throughout the year.

Following Professor Xiang Biao’s advice to “rebuild the nearby,” I actively connected with people around me. I met many lovely individuals and received much kindness. By refocusing life on concrete people, life has become clearer and more certain.

Conclusion#

This was a year mixed with joy and pain. I experienced many moments of foolishness, arrogance, and overestimating myself. I also went through much pain, confusion, disappointment, and fear of an uncertain future. At the same time, I received much kindness, friendship, and familial love—all part of my experiences this year.

There are still problems in life to solve; take it slow! There are still many questions in life I can’t figure out; let’s see as we go! Wishing everyone a happy new year! May it be free and joyful!

Written on: December 30, 2023

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